The Fiesta Fiasco

Since I’ve been seeing Hugh, I’ve attended two birthday parties at Mara’s house for Summer. I went to her house and spent 2+ hours there because Summer asked me to come. We didn’t have our own version of a party – we took our presents there and she opened them along with all the others.

This year, the party is at our house (because last year Mara didn’t do what Summer wanted as the theme… and she held a grudge, as pre-teen girls do!). Mara isn’t coming. Her daughter invited her to her birthday party, and she isn’t coming. She can’t be adult enough to show up, eat a freaking cupcake, give her daughter her present, and go home. No.

What is she doing instead? THROWING HER OWN PARTY THREE DAYS BEFORE OURS.

Thinking about it now makes me furious. Murderous. It is just. so. petty. This is NOT what is best for Summer. This is NOT how you keep a blended family functioning.

I want nothing more than to send her an email stating my real feelings on the subject… but I will rise above and continue to be the better person. Because that’s who I am, who Hugh loves, and who Summer will look to as a REAL role model. Not her trash heap of an egg donor.

Life on Credit

I ran errands for the family yesterday – on Hugh’s credit card. Our finances are not combined. I help where I can with what I can, but for the most part, he provides food and shelter for all of us. He despises going further into debt, so I know that things must be bad right now for him to send me to the grocery store with a credit card instead of “real money.”

Amanda has managed to grow out of or destroy the majority of her clothes and shoes and needed an almost completely new wardrobe as well. Her bra size is just unusual enough that we can’t shop for her anywhere locally except Victoria’s Secret, and even then, they had very little selection in her size, and almost nothing on sale. $200 later… ugh, breasts.

We came away from shopping with a few new pairs of pants, some tops, boots, flip-flops, and bras… and a whopping hit to Hugh’s credit.

Thankfully, Summer is fully loaded for the summer and early fall. My mother hit the jackpot in yard sale finds for Summer’s size and bought her several dresses and two fall/winter jackets.

Divorce hearing is scheduled for July 8. Supposedly, this will be a “do not leave the court room until shit is decided and signed” kind of deal. I’ll believe it when I see it!

Weight: 358.2

I’m reporting a six pound GAIN almost two weeks into using Plexus. I did see some comments on the Supplement Geek review where people had gained weight.

I have officially written to customer service to ask for a return authorization.

I know too much about nutrition and health to waste money on this crap.

Custody

So, Mara’s frivolous claim for full legal custody was thrown out in the pre-hearing today. I had totally forgotten that it was today. Hugh’s been weird the past few days and now I realize why.

Still, there are a couple of days a year where I am just truly, truly unhappy. Days when I want him to look up, see how sad I am, and just grab me and hug me and not let go, no matter how often his phone rings or his email beeps or one of the girls says “dad”… which I know is not going to happen. It’s not in his make-up to do that sort of thing.

His make-up is the kind that tells me I’ll never get jewelry unless he designs it himself (a.k.a. just never), and the kind that approaches problems with logic rather than his heart, when sometimes the girlfriend needs the heart approach.

I’m not going anywhere in particular with this… just stating that these days are days that exist and I cope with them. I try not to take my frustration out on Amanda or Summer (and often fail, but only in small doses… not explosively) and for the most part, I ignore Hugh for a day or two.

Besides, if I tried to talk this out, it would probably just be “PMS.”

As Expected

My weight came back up to 353.2 this morning. If you’re keeping track, that’s 0.8 lbs higher than the day after I started Plexus.

I have been, frankly, exhausted since I started taking these supplements – it could be that they’re at least partially responsible. It could also be the fact that I am still a rather sudden family woman who is not used to keeping a schedule that suits four.

Summer is rapidly approaching puberty – she’s becoming lazier, moodier, more defiant… whereas Amanda seems to be coping a little better with life in general.

This fatigue of mine, however, does not mix well with family life. I’m irritable and impatient most of the time, and vocalize my needs far less than I should to keep myself happy and stable. As an only child and former single person of 30+ years, I need space and solitude more often than most. People with siblings and/or those who’ve had significant others for most of their lives typically have trouble understanding this.

I’m quitting my part-time job to reclaim some hours for myself (although it’s going to make my budget even tighter than it already is). I must make an effort to make sure that some of those reclaimed hours are spent alone.

Just a Note

To say that I was 351.2 this morning. Down 1.4 pounds.

Most likely due to numerous things, none of which are “the pink drink” Plexus. I was pretty active yesterday – 9,500+ steps, ate rather lightly, and didn’t weigh in until late morning because I slept in, which gave my body more time to dehydrate while asleep.

Skeptical to the end.

My mother advises that I should actively be trying to “eat less” and “low carb.” That is not the Plexus sales pitch, and unless it happens naturally without my putting forth willpower and effort to do those things, I will not do them. At that point, you are dieting. Period. Which you could do without spending $100+ a month on pink lemonade and caffeine pills!

Stresses versus Plexus

Stress wins. So far, anyway.

No amount of supplementation is going to keep me from diving head first into free food (cookies & donuts) at work when the president of the company had a meeting with my boss about my performance this morning.

352.6 lbs. That was the weigh-in this morning. I probably won’t check regularly, but I will report when I do.

Waiting & Drinking Pink

Hugh and I have calmed the house hunt a bit… the reality is we still don’t know what Mara is going to want in the divorce (never mind that the divorce has been in process since early December 2012) and even if she does want to force sale, the smarter option is probably to buy her out.

The wait for Hugh to be officially divorced is frustrating to the point where sometimes I just have to grit my teeth and keep going. The stress of maintaining the pleasantries about the whole situation has led to a 60-pound weight gain over the past two years.

Cue desperation.

I have relatives who’ve joined the Plexus Slim campaign (aka marketing pyramid scheme/swindle) and who are posting and messaging about it to the point of harassment via social media.

So… I bought some. But not from them. Direct from the home office. Because screw that pyramid shit.

Today is my first day taking it. No side effects of note. No benefits of note.

I have noticed that finding anything that seems even remotely like an HONEST review of this thing is damn near impossible… so, I’m going to deviate a little from the original purpose of this blog, shell out $135 a month for a couple of months, and see where this thing takes me.

The Hunt

We’ve been having an affair. Canoodling. Sneaking around. Keeping things on the down-low.

Hugh and I have been seeing a realtor.

We still don’t know what the result of the divorce settlement will be – whether Mara will take what’s being offered or force a 50-50 split of all marital assets (including the equity in the house). My therapist thinks that Mara will choose whichever path causes Hugh the most hardship – and I tend to agree. That means we need to be prepared to move.

The prospect saddens me for a number of reasons, not the least of which being the amount of work we have put into the house already to make it “ours” instead of hers. But it also thrills me. To start over in a place that Hugh and I have chosen together, to call our own and to make our own… It’s what I’ve wanted from the start.

I don’t think Summer will be too bothered by the prospect of moving. She used to be very attached to the current home, but seems to have grown out of it. I’m pretty sure she’d be excited by getting to pick a room and design it to her specifications. Amanda, on the other hand… she would have a very hard time of it. Convincing her to see the bright side of a new beginning may be impossible. I have been “cool” from the start, and loved for a while, but if moving to a new home settles on me as the driving force, it may be the first time I’m resented.

We’ll deal with these things as they come.

Until then, I’m looking for a big master bedroom with a master bath and double vanity!

Rising Above

As I’ve said before, this blog is not meant to be a record of Hugh’s divorce nor a stomping ground for ex-wife bashing. But, my being a step-mother to Hugh’s girls cannot happen without all of that being rather closely intertwined.

We try to run a fairly tight ship at our house – we never badmouth the girls’ mother in front of them, we both try to turn the tide or at least ease the bashing when Amanda starts down the road of talking about how much she can’t stand her mother. Personally, when I talk with the girls, I speak for Hugh, but always quantify it by saying that I can’t speak for Mara because I simply do not know her well enough to know her feelings on any given subject.

But sometimes it is hard. So damnably hard.

If what Amanda has said is to be believed, Mara badmouths Hugh recklessly, wantonly. I have no idea if I am ever brought in to the fray. I’ve never been told – perhaps that’s for the best.

Still, Hugh and I continue our efforts to keep negativity out of our home and never talk poorly of Mara when the girls are around. The divorce is rarely discussed at all. New challenges and new stress arise every single day, but I carry on with Hugh, knowing that there is a light at the end of this very long tunnel.